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God, haven't posted in forever. I can explain! Livejournal is blocked at work and I never remember to log on at home the time I am just hanging around on the computer. The few times I have attempted to post, LJ's been a jerk and not let me post.

What's happened? Holy shit. A lot. I'm married now. :-) The wedding was incredibly fun. It still kind of feels surreal.

I have 7 weeks of school left and, as long as I pass all my classes this semester, I graduate in May! The only class I'm kind of worried about is my history class. It's my capstone class for my major where I need to write a 20 page research paper. I am *really* far behind on it.

Other than that, same old, same old. I desperately want to work on my novel, but have no time. I really want to replay Dragon Age Origins & 2, but again, no time. There's a huge job fair at school next Monday I'm prepping for. I will feel unbelievably lucky if I can get a job set up starting in the summer. Work has been hell lately and I'm hating being back on the overnight schedule. I took a week and a half off for the wedding and our mini honeymoon (or halfmoon as my brother-in-law called it). I thought I'd hate being entirely back to my schedule, but I found I didn't mind school today. Going back to work was torture. I'm finding some comfort in knowing that I'm working on getting off of the graveyard shift, but it still sucks.

I can't wait to get the video and pictures from the wedding. I'll share them as soon as I do. If you go on my facebook, I changed my profile picture to me and Bill with our awesome wedding cake. Nerd-themed wedding ftw.
Okay, feeling somewhat better about my writing. Read the first few pages of my novel at the Undergrad reading today and got a pretty good response afterwards. While editting the chapter this morning, I realized just how much I adore my characters. I wish I had a little more time to read, but I was at the end and other people ran longer. I got feedback from my professor for chapters 4 & 5. He thinks I should go for the chapter in between from Sara's POV to help with pacing in Chapter 4 and give me an opportunity to show more of the tension between Sara and Faren which will come to blows in what will now be chapter 8. On the one hand, I still can't wait for the semester to be done and take a break, but on the other hand I actually feel like I might be getting somewhere with this project.

Wish I could just sit down and keep writing right now while I have the bug in me, but that's not going to happen. I have way too much to do. I have my fencing class from 3:30-5, fly home to be home by about 6. Shower, then take off by 6:30 to meet with the potential JoP for the wedding at 7. Don't know how long that'll go, but then I'll need to fit in dinner afterwards. I then have a meeting for work at 10, so I'll be pretty wiped. Don't know if I'll have the energy or brainpower to do so. I'll try. Need to get the next chapter out to my professor soon. Semester's almost only over.

Dec. 1st, 2012


^ is how my brain works right now. As in not at all.

It's been a really stressful week. Major meltdown at the beginning of the week which included questioning my ability to transition from writing for fun as a hobby to trying to write professionally. I've calmed down about it, but my doubt hasn't left. I still don't know if I can do it.

Thursday morning was hell. Thursdays I have lab at 10 AM and it's mandatory for me to be there. Three absences are allowed, but because of the wonky way my professor takes attendance, he tried to tell me that I've missed four when I only missed 2. So after fighting with him on Monday, I got it worked out that he'll count me at three absences AKA I can't miss anymore. Which shouldn't be an issue because there was lab this week and only one more next week.

Yeah, one of the morning staff sent one of students to school Thursday morning with my jacket. My keys & cell phone were in there. And it was 8:45. It takes about 50 minutes to get from the residence I work at to class. So after panicking and yelling and driving 90 miles an hour on route 95, I got to lab just in time.

The best part though, is the morning staff told me that I couldn't be mad at anyone, I should've been more calm, and it was no one's fault. Yeah, no apology, no nothing. Thanks guys. You almost cost me $1100.

I haven't slept more than a few hours in the last few days. I don't know why because I'm exhausted and I've been taking my normal melatonin/benedryl combo. I'm going to bed shortly. I have tons of stuff to do but yeah, I'm thrilled I just made it through my shift last night without falling asleep. It was a little rough.

So tonight I need to:
-Send out my resume to the company that was on campus Thursday. It's a recruiting job, not something I'm totally thrilled on but with my sales experience I could do it for a little just to get some professional experience and move onto something else in human resources. It pays about the same I'm making now. It's not my first choice, but I figure I can go for it and before I graduate continue attending job fairs and putting my resume out there. With my bachelor's & my 1+ year of interning, I'm qualified for a job that would pay 8-10k more than what I'm making now. So yeah, maybe not the most ideal situation, but it would be a step in the right direction.

-Do stuff for internship. I have a week and a half before my hour log and final essay is due, so I should catch up on that too.

-Write e-mails back to my friends. I love you guys. Brain is just very dead. >.>

-Work on directed study. I actually need to do a smidge of research first on it. It's the funeral scene and what I have loosely in mind is a long precession because crowds would draw to say farewell to the king, then onto the pyre in the desert. (Cultural flavor for Settenson is that the desert the castle is built near is guarded by the royalty put to rest there. It's a very old tradition for them.) I should be able to get about 2,000 words into it. It's from Sara's POV and she's going to be unaccustomed to this type of funeral, so it should give me a pretty good way to give the cultural setting and show how adored Gerard was by his people.

I'm on the fence about calling out of work tonight. I think it really depends on if I can sleep. Along with the difficulty sleeping I've had, I also have been fighting with a cold or flu and feeling like crap. I'm going to go to bed at noon. I have until 7 pm to call out if I need to, but I'll probably know by 3 or 4. Either way, this stuff needs to get done tonight if I go to work or tomorrow morning if I call out and sleep like a normal person.

Sorry if this isn't coherant. Lol. Honestly, it felt like I was drunk at work I was *so* tired.

Nov. 28th, 2012

I don't even know. I don't know if it's my impending time of month, seasonal depression, or what, but I am in such a funk it's ridiculous. I have no motivation. Nothing's holding my attention. I can't focus, not even on playing a video game. This is really not a good time for being like this. I could barely even get out of bed to get to class and the only way I managed to bribe myself to get up was to bring my laptop to school and get someting unhealthy from Dunkins. I'm like a swirling black hole of negativity right now and it's really obnoxious.

Nov. 26th, 2012

Just crossed into cranky burnt out territory. But, I had an overall really good day... which has been a long time coming for what, 2 months now?

Accomplishment's for Monday 11/26:
- Did the rest of my homework for classes today.
- After much running around, I got my Biology class sorted out. As long as I make it to the last two labs, I should be passing the class. Thank God. I really did not want to retake the entire course again because of that bullshit.
- Followed through with the English substitution issue and got copied on the e-mail that sent the note into Academic Advising.
- Went to classes today, and oh man, the fencing class I'm doing (because my stupid school requires these random activity credits) kicked my ass. I'm sore already. I'm sure tomorrow's going to be a day of just chilling out and doing homework.

Back to feeling overwhelmed by my creative writing project. I'm not enjoying having to write and plot in a manner different from my own just for a class. I would have so much more hashed out and much more written before worrying about as many serious edits. It's adding so much more stress to the mess.
Crazy weekend. Very busy, very high stress.

I've been up for 23 1/2 hours now with only an hour nap. I'm a little out of it, so rather than try to break down what I accomplished day by day, I'm just lumping the weekend together because I'm wiped.

- Worked my 2 ten hour shifts, last night particular frustrating because it wasn't until 6 1/2 hours into my shift that both clients on my floor were asleep at the same time.
- Finished editting chapters 4 & 5!
- E-mailed the chapters to my professor (and Katy!)
- Went to a meeting for my internship despite only getting an hour of sleep.
- Did 2 loads of laundry today.
- E-mailed my lab professor again regarding him marking me absent when I turned work in.
- E-mailed the English department chair about a note for course substitutions (that Academic Advising apparently lost the note for already -_-).
- Looked over the assignment for my fencing activity class.
- Read through the fencing syllabus to try to figure out what I missed last time.

Now I'm going to keep playing video games until my stomach feels better. Today we did Thanksgiving with my family and I ate a little too much of my mom's stuffing.
About time for me to pass the hell out, so real quick today.

Accomplishments for Thursday 11/22 into Friday 11/23:
- Brainstormed ideas (by myself & not part of my job) to deal with the difficult student for the morning. Came up with a few angles to try according to what day staff insists works with her.
- Worked my 10 hour shift, very tired from only five hours of sleep and filled with turkey.
- Balanced my checkbook and budgeted out my next paycheck (and yay I get to throw more in the savings account from the overtime I've worked the last two weeks.)
- Plowed through edits in chapter 4, which is a pretty huge accomplishment because I had to rewrite most of the chapter and adjust pacing/scene placement.
- Figured out (mostly) what to do with chapter 5, at least enough to be able to edit and send it off to Katy & my professor.
- Attempted 2 of my ideas to reduce amount of behaviors in AM from my difficult student, sadly, with little positive result. I will take she didn't aggress at all. My face and glasses are quite pleased with that. Unfortunately, the scratches are looking *really* angry today. Hope those won't take too long to heal. It's kind of awkward explaining it to people who aren't familiar with my line of work... although part of me takes great joy in watching people squirm and gasp "I could never do that!" (Yes, yes you could if you had to.)
I am not a happy camper right now.

I just got home from work a short while ago and I thought I'd be asleep by now. But I'm trying to decompress from work. The new student, who is an angel for day staff apparently, aggresses and bolts and is non compliant every single morning. This morning she went for my glasses and scratched the side of my face. Now granted, I am really lucky that she didn't A) break my glasses and B) gouge my eye, I'm still kind of in a shitty mood. The scratches aren't very deep, but 2 hours later they're still fucking burning.

To add insult to injury, one of the assistant manager comes in and kind of gives me an attitude over the whole thing. She doesn't understand why she's not allowed to be out of her room and sit in the living room, despite the fact she knows that one of the students' behaviors is bolting and there is no one between her and the door when she's downstairs because of where the overnights are required to be. The behavior department told me that in the morning before day staff gets there it is bolting if she runs by me down to living room from her room and it's my job to attempt to block her. The overnight supervisor has told me that we need to teach her to stay in her room until day staff arrives. She also, for some reason, doesn't seem to want to believe that the student is not responsive to the prompt "later" and her schedule the way she is during the day. Those things work for maybe five or ten minutes, and then I'm back to blocking, getting aggressed towards, doing the time out, and trying to get her back upstairs. I've been trying to brainstorm for the last hour or so what else we can try during the shift. Because while I realize she is improving since she got there 3 weeks ago, we're still having the same issues in the morning.

Ugh, so anyway, accomplishments for Wednesday 11/22 to Thursday 11/23:
-Went to the gym and was on treadmill for about 35 minutes (and multi-tasked writing too!)
-Dropped stuff off with mom for the Princess House party.
-Went to the bank
-Got fixings for peanut butter fudge
-Did some dishes
-Made said peanut butter fudge
-Worked my 10 hour shift and managed to not to cry from pain and frustration until I got on the road.
-Wrote about 2200 words, not counting what I wrote at the gym, and finished chapters 4 & 5. Now they just need to be editted and they can be sent off. I'm not sure about the order of events and debating about adding a chapter in between, but I really need to get something to him.

Now I'm going to take my benedryl, melatonin, and one of the few anti-anxieties I got last week and try to pass out. If I can get to sleep then I can go to the future in-law's for Thanksgiving before I go to work.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. When I'm not so cranky I'll be more thankful. u.u
Today was a pretty rough day. I've been up for 18 hours and I'm exhausted, but only taking a nap because I want to go to bed around 10 AM for my shift tomorrow night.

Accomplishments for Monday 11/20:
- Went to work and got through my CPI training, which sucked mentally and physically. I'm fighting a cold so I'm flaring, making it really difficult to move around. It also was mentally really draining because everyone else in my class were teachers or TAs at the school that were so out of touch with the challenges of how understaffed the residences are.
--Seriously, nothing made me angrier than when the instructor rambled on about how switching out is available for staff as needed when it very well isn't for me. In my 10 hour shift, if I'm lucky after 8 hours more staff may come in, who are unwilling to relieve me. If it weren't for the fact that some of the people taking the class with me were the same staff I would have been compaining about, I would have been more vocal about it. Not that it would change anything.

- Went to TOPS for the first time in a few months. I know at this point I don't think I can lose all the weight I need to so my dress doesn't need to be taken out, but anything will help. I already paid for my yearly membership, so I might as well keep trying. Weigh in was 199.4 today.

I didn't get anything else productive done today, but I was out of the house for 13 hours. My friend from work came over shortly after I got home which was good to destress. Napping for a few hours then getting up to do a short work out (to get back into it) and write like crazy. If I can get chapters 4, 5, & 6 sent off by Friday I am going to feel like I'm in a much better position for my directed study. I'd really like to get through to chapter 10, but large portions of 7, 9 & 10 are already written.

(Excuse me as I keep repeating my stupid mantra of "I can do this, I can do anything.")

Nov. 19th, 2012

No post for yesterday. I slept from about 10 am - 4:00 pm at which point I scrambled to get up and pick Leticia up. We had our Princess House Party which was fun. (and yay we're getting free stuff. Hurray for using parties to get Christmas gifts!) Unfortunately, on the way back to Woburn to drop Leticia off I got a migraine and wound up going back to bed at 9:30 and sleeping until 7:30 this morning. So it was a relatively unproductive 5ish hours.

I was hoping to stay up a little later tonight to keep writing, but I'm exhausted. So I think I'm calling it a day. Probably for the best. I have to go into work tomorrow morning for the standard refresher CPI course. I should probably remember what that stands for, but that certification is what officially trains me in restraints which means I am legally in ratio and get to stay on the schedule. So it's kind of important.

Accomplishments for Monday 11/19:
- Got my Biology worksheet done (even though I still don't know what the deal is with that fiasco.)
- Studied like crazy for my American Lit Exam.
- Went to said Biology class and later took said American lit Exam.
- Got 2 loads of laundry done.
- Hashed out some wedding planning stuff with mom.
- Took care of a few emails for my internship.
- Wrote 1200 words in chapter 6. (This is one I wish I had done more with. Really wishing I was awake enough to stay up and keep going.)

Why do I feel like I did more than I listed here? Maybe it was just the length of the day with stress of studying and then taking the exam. It feels like it's been a never ending day.